Caution: This post contains hazardous amounts of self-absorbed whininess. Read at your own risk.
I need to tell you something.
The poop query failed. I know – it’s hard for me to believe too. So did another, more thoughtfully crafted query I imagined finely tuned to the agent’s likes and dislikes.
At least the poop query earned a personal response. The latest query – born of over twenty-four hours of research, revising and feedback – got a knee-jerk-lightning-fast-form-letter rejection. Ouch.
I spent the rest of the week contemplating a bonfire with the lot of it. Everything. I was ready to burn things that even reminded me of the book, including my crappy desk chair.
I know, for example, editors rejected Stephen King’s Carrie thirty times and I don’t possess a fraction of the talent the man has in his pinkie fingernail. Rejection is a part of writing. I must embrace it as a vocation-affirming victory or some happy bullshit. Some writers are rejected hundreds of times and still go on to publish.
Yes, I know it’s only five measly rejections and that’s nothing – and two of them were with a crappy query letter. From a logical standpoint, I understand rejection is not personal and I need to learn and move on. Grow from the experience, right? I’m aware of the overwhelming odds and the thin rewards of publishing.
The entire prospect of writing – of taking time away from family and friends to do something so vain and self-indulgent is hard to justify. So many times I thought (and think) of walking away.
Not that writing and pursuing publishing is inherently selfish or vain – I’m not talking about you or the other 99.9% of writers. Me, I’m a different story. I’m astonished at my hubris for contemplating the thing to begin with.
On this journey, I got positive feedback from some professionals on Panacea – that it was publishable and full of promise. I thought … maybe I should do this. And my characters, aka my imaginary friends, nagged and cajoled.
But I don’t think I’m cut out for this … I can barely post a blog entry without feeling like a tremendous gasbag. Look at me! I’m writing! You’re reading the words of a woman incapable of updating her Facebook status. Every aspect of this is so contrary to my fly-under-the-radar nature.
Here I am posting on the subject. My blog-voice prattles on. I can’t stand to be in the same room as myself and the sad thing is – I can’t leave. Gah, if you’ve read this far, my apologies. But think how awful it is for me, I listen to this crap continuously.
k. Rawson 
It doesn’t really sound like you are feeling rejected.
Rather more like say an upright comic.
Keep up the good work!!!
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You’re definitely not alone on the rejection front, and it did make for a funny post! However, I don’t think you can contemplate bonfires until you’re at least in the triple digits.
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Triple digits? Well, at least now I have something to aspire to. And the real bonus: it will provide plenty of kindling for the bonfire!
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I could have written this post. Rejection stings. It just does. I too, question my continued to devotion to writing when I have work and family. I supposed all we can do is keep plugging away!
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And develop thick skin as the rejections pile up…
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What resources are you using to find agents? I’m querying agents as well and I’ve found a ton of tools- I’d love to swap resources with you sometime.
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Hi Kate,
I would love to hear what you’re doing. I start on http://querytracker.net/ and then from there I stalk – er I mean research – agents, reading their blogs, interviews and websites. Someone recently recommended another service to me: http://www.writersrelief.com/ and while I can’t personally speak to their services, they came highly recommended. Looks like they take a lot of the hassle out of submitting (for a fee) – IF they accept you. Not sure what I’d do if they rejected me… maybe revisit the burn-pile idea…
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Karen… you have a wonderfully witty writing style.
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Thank you so much for your kind words.
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[…] back before I found Agent Sara, while I was still submitting my first novel, I talked about rejection from a writer’s point of view. But there’s another side to the rejection […]
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