Any More is Deadly

A Friday Fictioneer fail–this one weighs in at 104 words.

PHOTO PROMPT © G.L. MacMillan.

PHOTO PROMPT © G.L. MacMillan.

Havon was a gentle man. When she’d come by with the swollen eye, he’d made a compress to soothe it. And when she came in crying—two months gone with Mister’s baby—Havon had made her tea.

Today, she’d limped in clutching bruised ribs from where Mister’s boot had landed.

Havon walked to his window and took a bottle from the highest shelf. “Two drops will take away the pain, but any more is deadly.” He handed her the bottle. “I won’t expect to see you back. Not like this.”

She hurried home with the tincture curled into one fist. Mister’s dinner would not be late.

This has been another edition of the Friday Fictioneers–where writers from around the world contribute their own 100-word story for the prompt. To read more stories or submit your own, click the blue froggy button:

To learn about the Fictioneers, visit our talented and gracious host Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.

31 Comments

  1. Who knew little bottles would inspire so many powerful stories. Really enjoyed this.

  2. Excellent story. Compelling and splendidly written.

  3. MrBinks

    Excellent! Really well done.

  4. Well crafted tale showing how the worm, eventually, does turn.

  5. Melanie

    I really enjoyed this. I hope Mister finishes his plate. He’ll get his just “desserts” then. 🙂

    ConCrit Alert: (stop reading if not interested) If you’d like to cut four words so you don’t feel like it’s a fail (though I disagree that four words puts you in fail category), it occurred to me that the second-to-last sentence could be revised to “She hurried home clutching the tincture.” It would still give the image of it curled in her fist without the four words to say it’s “curled into one fist.”

    1. Most excellent suggestion! Thanks 🙂

      1. Melanie

        Oh good. I’m glad I didn’t offend you by saying something.

  6. justgraham

    Impossible to fail with such a well crafted tale!

  7. Master’s dinner may be delicately spiced tonight, I believe. Nicely done.

  8. Brilliant story – well told! I believe Mister will get a ‘special’ meal tonight 🙂

  9. The pen is not poisoned, after all. But dinner might be.

  10. The world needs a gentle man like Havon now and then. Nicely done.

  11. Oh, well done! I think she’s made the right kind of friend.

  12. Great story, K! You wove this beautifully, saying so much in only a few words Kudos.

    MG

  13. So much unsaid here. I loved it.

  14. I’m guessing gentle Havon knew what he was doing when he gave her the instructions. I hope she follows through, it’s time for “Mister” to shuffle off I think.
    Just my opinion, but I just make sure my stories are within 10% of the 100 words 🙂 Every word I cut from my story this week spoiled the flow so mine’s slightly over as well (as usual).

  15. Dear Karen,

    Your use of Mister made me think of The Color Purple. A fitting end for him and a good story.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    1. PS Definitely not a “fail.”

      1. I had the exact same thought, Rochelle!
        Great story.. a little extra sumthin’ sumthin’ in his dinner tonight!

  16. two birds with a single stone – cure for two pains with a single tincture! Nice plot !!

  17. Does that qualify as self-defence?
    Good piece.

  18. there’s more than one way to take away the pain. Loved this! Well done!

  19. Wow! Great story! He deserves it!

  20. Havon is a good friend. I hope Mister has an appetite. I loved it.

  21. Nice twist. I like where you went with the prompt.

  22. A well crafted tale, Karen.

  23. peterkirsch

    Wham, you nailed it!
    Fail, Shmail.

    And “clutching the tincture” is a good fix indeed.

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