I-80 Westbound, Mile Marker 234

photo prompt courtesy J Hardy Carroll

She waited until JT was asleep, then slipped out from under the sheet. She plucked a pair of cutoffs from the floor. She’d put them on outside. There was no getting shoes without waking someone.

She gripped the doorknob of the camper and turned it so slowly the only sound was JT’s snore, and the whimper of the girl they’d picked up yesterday. She pressed the door closed silently.

The rest area was a hard mile in bare feet, the semis whizzing by, blowing back her tangled hair.

“Anna? Is that you?”

“Mom–” Her voice snagged. “I want to come home.”

100 words

This has been an edition of Friday Fictioneers, hosted by the wonderful-amazing Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. This week’s photo courtesy the dashing J Hardy Carroll. To read more stories inspired by the prompt, click here.

36 Comments

    1. Aw, many thanks.

      Like

  1. Dear Karen,

    Well written and multi-layered. I could feel the early morning air and the wind in my hair. Fraught with emotion. Good job.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Rochelle.

      Like

  2. Superb. Tense, mysterious and vivid. You infuse a lot of character into the girl and the situation with a very few words. Expertly rendered.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re sweet. Thanks so much.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Tightly written and really gripping. You left me with a nagging question – did Anna get help for the other girl?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope so! Thanks for reading.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Expertly written, loved the tension and the reveal.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love the way your prose tiptoes with your character. Such sweet synchronicity, Karen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Golly, you’re making me blush. Thanks Kelvin.

      Like

  6. Hey, Karen, could you let Josh know I’ve commented on his next flash fiction story (following this one of yours) and I’m still getting error 403. Here is my comment (copied this time!)

    Lovely dialogue exchange, which felt real, organic, straight from the scene of a play. Thanks for posting, Josh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Will do. I wonder what’s up. Very kind of you.

      Like

  7. Gosh! I feel for Anna. Hope she is safe and miles away now.
    Great writing, Karen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much.

      Like

  8. Jen

    I legit feel sad for your character, and the whimpering girl. Love the raw emotion and little details. Great story.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Well written, Karen. I feel sad for the whimpering girl “they” had picked up. It seems that Anna too is culpable.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. michael1148humphris

    Your story felt so real. Great writing

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Within few words you made me feel for Anna. Hope she gets to her mom soon as that JT doesn’t seem like a likeable fella.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. A very grim situation. I hope she remembers to call the police for the girl as well, it sounds like she needs help too.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Wonderfully graphic – I could visualise the scene so clearly. Brilliant.

    Click to read my FriFic

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you liked it 🙂

      Like

  14. Brilliant setup. Very well written.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Raw emotion. So glad this girl managed to go back home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Very well done; you’ve created a gripping story here. Now we all wonder how it turns out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 🙂 So glad you liked it. Thanks for reading.

      Like

  17. You establish two strong characters, place them into a changing setting that you describe vividly, you have a great story arc, and you tug at our emotions. Great writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s very kind of you Penny! Thanks so much.

      Like

  18. Dale

    That was indeed brilliantly done, Karen. The tension buildup was palpable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you and thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

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