Long Term Parking

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

If she loved me, she might have said, “Don’t go.”

She might have talked about the dangers they paraded across the news feed every night: The bombs. The terrorists. The kidnappings.

She might have pointed out there were a hundred other alternatives to that particular assignment.

She might have said there’s no shame in being a local correspondent, or that the money didn’t matter.

If she loved me…

 

If she loved me—just a little—she would have given me a ride.

The kid at the booth slid the window to one side. “Which lot are you looking for?”

NOTE: I botched the POV in the initial version because everyone thought it was the woman’s POV. I switched “me” for “him” and hopefully it makes it clearer.

This has been another edition of the fabulous Friday Fictioneers, hosted by the talented Rochelle Wisoff Fields. This week’s photo prompt courtesy Rochelle. (Very inspiring, Rochelle!)

To read more 100-word flash fiction based on the prompt or to submit your own, click the blue froggy button:

28 Comments

  1. Really great piece. I think about that every time journalist is killed. Well done.

  2. Graham Lawrence

    Lovely fiction. Enjoyable read!

  3. ‘If only’ are two such sad words. The regret and pain really comes through. Well-done!

  4. Guilt is a natural response in bereavement.
    Good piece.

  5. peterkirsch

    I enjoy that I am not clear if she feels the most guilt from not having tried to stop him…or not loving him.

    Side question: I’ve noticed your titles play as vital a role in these stories as the words themselves. Without the title, I often wouldn’t get the full story (this one is a perfect example). Is that part of the exercise or just another example of your sagacious abilities?

    1. Hi Peter, I think I really botched the POV on this one and updated it. I thought it was the man’s POV and he was feeling sorry for herself. (In her defense, maybe it’s too painful to say goodbye, but that’s a prompt for another week…)

      Interesting question about the title… I had him answer in the initial version, but then I was one word over the 100-word limit. So I chopped it off because it also felt a bit redundant, considering the title. But it’s interesting that you mentioned it because I wonder if it’s too abrupt?
      Anyway, thank you kindly for reading and commenting.

  6. Dear Karen,

    Sometimes loving isn’t enough. The other person is going to do what he or she is going to do. She might not have been able to stop him in any case.

    Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    1. Thanks Rochelle! This picture was quite inspiring.

  7. Love this.
    So much life – and death – in so few words.
    Superb.

  8. Sometimes loving someone is that you have to watch them go.. sometime there is more love in that.. excellent tale, these days when journalist seems to be one of the most dangerous occupations.

  9. That really is such a unique angle on the prompt and as a story. Well done Karen.

  10. Picking up a car because the driver isn’t coming back? That’s what I took out of it. Am I right 🙂

    1. I totally botched the POV on this one Paul, because everyone took it as the woman’s POV when it was supposed to be the man. I went back and changed “him” for “me” and made it first person. So we have a journalist driving to the airport feeling sorryfor himself… that’s what it’s supposed to be anyway. Hopefully it’s not so muddled now. Thank you for reading and commenting!

  11. If she loved him … Words used very effectively in your story!

  12. “If she loved him—just a little—she would have given him a ride.”

    i don’t get it. maybe i should read it again.

    1. I totally blundered the point of view. It’s the man speaking. I need to fix it!

  13. Grief is so messy and confusing. This portrays that “I could have, should have” doubt.
    Well done,
    Tracey

  14. Nicely done. The flow of words have a perfect rhythm that helps tell the story.

  15. I’m fine right up to the end, and then I don’t get the last line. The kid is speaking to him still?

    1. Hmm, I need to go back to the drawing board on this one. I was picturing him driving himself to the airport and getting ready to park. The kid speaks to him right at the end. After the last line he would park and get on the plane. But I don’t think 1000 words are going to fix this one! Thanks Patrick 🙂

  16. I for one, loved all the emotions in this one!

  17. I’m getting the gist and it makes for a great and poignant story! Just a little confused by the last line.

    1. The last line seems to be throwing people. Oh well, write and learn. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  18. I think we have all had one of those “if they loved me” moments. Nice piece.

  19. Oh no, this is so typical for projecting interpretations. I think he wants to be stopped, but isn’t. And she may love him so much, she won’t interfere with what she thinks he wNts to do… sad, great emotions.

    1. That is exactly what I was thinking. Thank you for reading and commenting 😀

  20. wants… sorry. iPad keyboard hates me.

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